Phil was pissed-up, as usual - shouting his mouth off in the middle of the road. Probably celebrated too hard the night before, after being given the chance to smack Ben in the face. If i saw 'Evil dad assaults his own child!' in the paper, i'd call him a bastard and say he should be strung up. But, because it's Ben (Who, let's face it, looks like a paedo in waiting), i feel like he's performing a public service. Anyway, Phil skillfully snapped out of his pissed-up state by around 10am (What's your secret?!) and reserved his seat on the express train to hell by picking a fight with the preacher man. Lucas did his best 'I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furrrrrious anger...' impression, and decided that the only way to fight a fist is with a religiously aided fist.
Stacey was banging on about Bradders again, giving us a chance to see a photo of him in a particularly fetching stripy jumper. If we ignore that pillow down her shirt, she ain't actually that bad looking. Yes, she's an annoying cow...but i can't help 'finking' that if i'd had a couple of stiff drinks, i'd actually believe i was sleeping with Megan Fox.
You would. You definitely would, you lying bastard.It's like eating Sainsbury's own brand jaffa cakes: if you shut your eyes and hope for the best, it could almost be McVities.
Max bought her a pram to get into her pants - and even cracked a joke! Stace said 'Is that for me?', to which he replied 'You're a bit big for it, ain't ya?'. Solid wordplay. After everyone had stopped pissing themselves laughing, they buggered off to the Vic. Fair enough, it might be a weekend, which would explain why no-one is actually working (apart from Minty, who was at the Garage...though even he left there to go to the 'caff', so that two children could mess around in a dangerous working environment unsupervised), but that doesn't explain why all the characters kept popping between their houses and the pub every 5 minutes. Oh, soap logic!
Other developments: Janine was slagging around like a stupid slag, that boring guy behind the bar carried on that boring plot with Ronnie and his mum, and Syed tried - in a glorious hark back to Victorian thinking - to 'cure' his devilish homosexual ways by getting a guy to talk him out of all that stupid gayness. Why not just stick two electrodes to his head and be done with it!?
Tamwar was too busy auditioning for the role of Will in the Indian version of 'The Inbetweeners' to care about any of this.
"I have a receipt! And a nice 'character profile' badge!"Right, i'm off to lay the 'slap down' on some biatches.
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Watch! / iPlayer it / Stay in bed
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